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Symptoms of A Failing Heart

Friday, October 12, 2007

Miserable At Best

seNGET crossed his heart at 12:25 AM  
2 IPPT attempt this week and i still can't fucking nail it!!!
i had to retake because my previous gold is still pending.
and my OC wants me to retake as he thinks i could do it again.


but argh. damn i suck so bad. so bad!
all thanks to my 2.4km run.
1st try was 4 sec away from gold.
2nd try was even worse, almost 30 sec away!
FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK!
2nd try could be thanks to the new environment as our test was on the running track instead.
and the weather is way too HOT.


so near yet SO FAR.....
i can't help but have this negative feeling even before the run starts.
somehow deep inside, i knew i could have push myself more.
but when i actually tried to do in the process, i simply couldn't.
the feeling is fuck, knowing i haven't really done my very best.
i am so much WEAKER than i have expected.
i hate myself.


anyway, booked out at 2pm today.
cabbed home and change.
down to marina bay for steamboat for company cohesion night at 5pm.
ate, arcade, bowling and then movie of "RE: Extinction" for me.
i'm back now thanks to the ride from PC.


negative feelings are running all over my head still!
for fuck sake, i need to kill them.


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