Symptoms of A Failing Heart

tired, tired and TIRED!!! thats what i'm totally feeling now after days of more working and less sleep. now i can really feel and understand the full definition of tired! was so tired that i woke up late today for school. well, luckily the teacher didn't really scold the shit out of me. anyway, today was the day i've waited for a very long time cause we'll be going sentosa for treasure hunt. but it wasn't really much i've expected. the weather was so freaking hot! and it is really tiring cause we've to go places to places to play mini games for clues and its such a big place! i was even the team leader. wahahaha. we didn't complete the whole hunt but at least completed 6 out of 8. and for that, i'm already very proud of my team cause most team was stuck at 2. haha. must be for my leadership skills, thats why we did better. hahahaha.

alright. after the treasure hunt, we could decide whether we want to go back by the school bus or by ourselves. the malay guys and i went our own ways instead. we headed to harbour front mrt hawker centre for our dinner first before taking 65 bus back home. damn the whole journey took like 1 and a half hour!!! i should have taken the mrt instead man cause my ass was like so totally numb. no more 65 bus back home, ever, and i mean it.

oh, last but not least. congratuation to those who scored well and also not well for their 'o' levels. i'm sure u guys all tried your very best. especially to albert. haha. u did us proud and i've lost my bet. but still i'm glad u did well. i'm surprised and i'm sure ur pride is gained back. must treat us!!!

finally i have time to blog. i was too busy the last 3 days working. but work is starting to be really fun since i'm getting the hang of it already. the only problem would be that i hope i don't have less cash at the end of the day or i'd have to pay for it. now because, of school and work, i'm getting less sleep! i've been late and skipping school recently. i even got some kind of conselling lesson from my class advisor and he told me i was a BAD INFLUENCE to the class!! what the fuck man, do you know how much that breaks my heart. i am never a bad influence, when was i ever one? fuck it. now i'm gonna be punctual for school everyday and not to skip school as much as possible. i myself is already afraid that i can't catch up on my studies. i really need to improvise every part of me. arrghh!! i'm like a volcano waiting to erupt. someone please help me....

anyway, today's school was the same old shit except that during break time, we went further away to have our lunch at some million something coffee shop. then went back safra bowling to buy lollipop and some poker card session. haha. i still miss playing HEARTATTACK cause it was really damn hilarious. its like we can really have a heart attack! farhan is such a fucker plus faggot. hahaha! too bad he wasn't in school today or we would have play heart attack instead of bluff. also, the lift's lights at safra was spoilt today. it was TOTAL DARKNESS inside it. and we were like raping and touching each other inside the lift. haha, it was freaking funny. luckily i was not in the center or it'd have been worse. most of them were squating down and protecting themselves straight after the lift door closed. ayoub was even smoking inside the lift and josh was lucky to miss the cigarette. haha, alright, thats how GAY we guys are. haha. oh ya, there's also this girl thats working at safra bowling who is actually quite hot! but sadly she wasn't working today cause i didn't saw her. *opps* maybe i shouldn't have said that.

ok now my classmates and i are all looking forward for monday's sentosa treasure hunt. i was saying that i will surely take off my top off over there because the weather now has been so damn hot and there's so much bush fire recently. then, ghaz told me that if i take off my shirt, there maybe another "BUSH" FIRE going on. those who know me should know which bush i meant. HAHAHAHAHA!!! fucking ghaz. oh and i just remembered. shirhan was injured yesterday with a serious sprain from the soccer session we had. he was sent to the hospital and now he's on 3 days mc. just hope he'll be fine. khai who was 1 of the 3 who sent him to the hospital even told me there was alot of hot chick nurse over there. what a asshole he is. hahaha.

alright think i'm gonna stop here. i've talked enough shit already and there's just this pretty weird feeling inside me now which i can't describle. its just so shitty. man, shitty feelings are all i can feel this recent years. hai....

friday:
went to meet qingan, paul, tet and wenyan at tp for their open house at around 1pm. walked around the school for quite a while, saw a HTM performance. can say its rather entertaining. qa and paul left for work at 2pm while i, tet and wenyan continue walking around, but this time met up with jackie, qian yu and xinling. saw another performance from the business school and finally left for home with wenyan first. took a nap but was interrupted by my mom who wants me to go down to have dinner with her and dad. went home and change to meet up with yan at interchange. proceed to subway airport to find qingan, tong and paul. ate popeye chicken and slack there for quite sometime before going for some soccer action at the park as usual. play till 3am before i make my way home first.

saturaday:
went to tp open house again but this time with albert, toot, kelvin, kuku and wei xian. the open house ends at 4 while we reached there at 3.30. haha. walked around aimless like always. stopped at design school causealbert asked for some info about the course he's planning to get in. met up with josh and talk for awhile before going vcd shop and then coffee shop to meet up with tong, qingan, peggie and yan cause we'll be catching "hide and seek" later in the evening. cs cinema finally called me and told me that they'll give me my schedule by today, so that means, i probably got the job. muahaha. anyway theres still a gap before the showtime, so we walked around the pasa malam at inter. made ourselves a rowdees keychain which costed 5 bucks each. the keychain costed alot of our time cause we were approximately 10 minutes late for the show. haha. "hide and seek" was rather a suspense thriller but the story was actually similar to "secret window"! you guys should get what i mean. i'd give a 6/10 rating for it. after the show, went straight to chinmeng house for some soccer/vcd/dvd watching. we watched "art of the devil" and then "saw" first cause the important soccer matches start late. "art of the devil" was awesome with the black magic and stuffs while "saw" wasn't as gruesome as i expected but the storyline is rather fantastic. we like watched 3 movies in a row. hahaha. watched manu match till halftime before finding myself in dreamland on chinmeng's bed. finally left his house at 5.15am before going downstairs for some prata breakfast. at last, i was on my precious bed at 6am!

today:
theres some shitty problems with my computer now. sometimes the monitor just won't fucking works. just hope this problem won't last or i'll have to go repair it again. now i'm so bored staying at home. just had a carrot cake for lunch. now i'm waiting for time to past then later maybe meeting wenyan, peggie and some others to go interchange to buy slippers and sandals. arrg, what can i do now?

Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star falls brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

My eyes burn from these tears
You'd think I'd learn over these years
Good things won't last forever

So what the hell am I suppose to do
You only wanted the things I couldn't give to you
And you had it all anyway

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

Tell me i'm wrong when I say
I can't expect you to stay forever with me
I live for that single moment

I take back everything i've said
You wore those words on your lips
As if they meant anything anyway

Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

Tell me I'm wrong when I say it
I can't expect you to spend forever with me
I live for that single moment

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

finally, my blood coughing has stopped. just hope i can fully recover and all the normal coughing which i always have totally stop. i've been waiting for that day for a long time. i wonder what makes me cough tat serious. either my fast-eating, too much heaty stuffs or my screaming. its alway a headache for me.

school ends early than expected today. i was so really tired after sports and wellness, we were playing soccer and almost every other sports. the new female teacher even thought i was a malay until she mark my attendance and saw my chinese name. didn't know i actually look like one. hahaha. after school, went home straight to change and then to century square alone cause i had a interview on. for those who have no idea, i'm trying out for cs cinema. answered a few questions and then wrote down my particulars. now, i just to wait for them to call me. however, some part of me just wish they don't call, cause that part of me just doesn't have the mood to work and earn money. imagine after a stressful day in school and then have to rush home to change for work. damn i hate that feeling. if only money just falls from the sky, or i have a freaking rich god mother. well, i guess i'm too much for a day dreamer. but i really need cash badly! arrgg, this sucks.

think i better get my ass out of here. i'm so bored! anyone care to entertain me?

i thought my throat would be better by today. but again when i woke up, i'm still coughing blood. damn, if this don't get any worse, i will have to go x-ray next week. i hope i'm not dying or something. i'm too young to die. haha. this kinda freaks me alot, cause i kept tasting blood in my mouth. gross. now i can feel how vampire feed.

ok today was late for school as usual. only went for the 4 hours networking. had lotsa fun joking around with my classmates like what we alway do. the only fuck up thing is i still can't log out from friendster from my computer no matter what. just hope nobody will hack my account. or i'll kill him if i found out who he is.

anyway, i didn't have the mood for school today and i wasn't really concentrating during the lesson. one thing kept appearing in my mind, and i'm so scare, scare to lose. i've been thinking and thinking over about it. argggg, it just makes me feel sad and sleepless. fuck it. why must this happen to me? everything is so not perfect. i'm out of words to describe how it felt. just so shitty!!

alright enough of this sadness. here's a joke for u all. and for those who know, you'll gonna enjoy it pretty well. hahaha.
*in real chinese/english accent "hey! hey! your mother so fat, that when she jump for joy, she got stuck. ok thank you."

horse no. 9 vs horse no. 14
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anybody care for a ride?
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our rowdee's one and only MAMASAN
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erm.. sexy baby babies. HAHA
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ain't that awesome. its gonna be a trend
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i guess engkeong is retarded too?
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i know what you're thinking. and yes i am retarded. haha
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woke up today to find myself spitting out BLOOD! damn. what the fuck is wrong with me. must be the stupid sore throat. at last, it stopped after i make my way to school. was lucky to be punctual but still get nagged by the teacher cause he mistaken us for latecomers. damnit. skipped PIE today cause it was valentine day and i had no mood for school. haha. after school, went home for a nap then to tm to buy a box of chocolate for fiona. i was suppose to visit dwight with her today but i was late. so in the end, just sent her back home instead. so i guess i'll visit him another day. went home again and then down to have dinner with my family. after the meal, went to the clinic to see my why the hell i'm spiting out blood. the total bill costed 136 bucks and thats really alot. i should have taken the MC instead since the doctor did ask me. now i'm regretting. haha. alright time for my medicine. ciao~

no words can describe how much fun i had during my chinese new year celebration. so here's a small recap and photos of the celebration to you from me. haha. enjoy mother fuckers.

Thursday:
-cs at pavilion
-gambling at ben house till 11.45pm.

Friday:
-fun plus phototaking at toy'r'us. HAHAHAHA.
-watched constantine at 4.30 pm. (i give it a 8 out of 10 ratings)
-steam boat plus gambling at alex house.
-went home to sleep at around 12am.

Saturday:
-went yan house for a lil' cny visiting.
-then proceed to my house for dinner and to lao yu sheng. HUAT AH!
-gamble for awhile before going down to play soccer at around 11pm .

Sunday:
-tv watching/dinner at dick house.
-soccer watching at chinmeng house.

group photo 2
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group photo
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what the fuck?
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senget plus hock
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sengetisonfire
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macbeth oscar
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14.27
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another one!
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group photo!
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censored
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going to be in army straight after he gets his 'o' lvl results. HAHAHAHA
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rowdee
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fierce! my ass
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OMG! look at those thick eyebrows. haha
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tiger beer commercial
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it gives u luck i suppose
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hmm...
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botak head!
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gamers
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xbox freak
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photogenic girls
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another shopping trip for me today. went to image 2001 AGAIN but this time with hock, zhenfai and dick only. after such a long time, finally bought my macbeth shoes. i wanted london so much but it was out of stock till 10 months later! so after a really long consideration, i decided to buy oscar instead. it costed 179 without any discount from the owner cause it was the last pair. new designs would be coming soon this mid-march but i can't wait till then as i desperately need new shoes for cny, so i suppose i have to buy the newer design next year's cny. hahaha. i also bought a hawthorne heights tee and hock bought his thursday and the used tees. at least theres some discount cause i'm like a regular customer already. haa.

after far east, then proceed to bugis to buy dick's jeans and also to meet up with wenyan, tiannee and peggie. in the end, dick only bough a polo tee from bugis street. walked for a while more before all of us make our way home. i was really aching and tired already and they still want me to walk home. haha. now i'm really so excited for chinese new year. just 2 more days!! now the thing i hate is, theres fucking school tomorrow!! damn. anyway just hope we could collect our new rowdees jerseys by tomorrow.

senget here signing out!
u all can stop reading now, assholes!
hahaha

so lost, so confused, so broken, so hopeless......
if only i feel nothing, nothing at all.
you, the angel i look up to.
perfect - as if my wings were like yours.
but it can never be.

yesterday i was out at youth park for this ymca concert with my brather and his friends. it was quite a nice show with bike stunts, dancing and rock bands. the bikers were really skill with all the hopping and stuff. i was even one of the few "voluteer" who had to lie down on the floor for them to leap across. it was intense, i was scared too. haha. also, the dancers were wonderful,they were HOT! damn. not forgetting about the rock bands, they fucking rocks! after the perfomances, went back with my brather's friend car. they dropped me off at around simei while they went bedok for supper.

today, was real early for school. i was 1 of the 5 people who attended assembly in my class. hahaha. "what a miracle", thats what all my friends said. went back home straight after school, took a nap till 5pm before preparing myself to meet my brather at tm. then meet up with weitong and wenyan for our dinner at kfc. i'm still eating fast food while i'm having a bad sore throat. shit, i really need to control myself. after dinner, went to play cs for a couple of hours while wenyan sat there and wait for us. she kept blaming me for cheating her time and time again cause we were supposed to play pool. haha. then all of them went to my house for a lil' slacking time. watched some funny videos and play xbox before both of them went home. now i'm so bored. think i'm gonna go to bed soon cause tomorrow maybe still going far east for alil shopping. zzzzZZZZ

sometimes i feel i'm so fortunate and blessed with all my family and friends around me.
theres so much joy, laughter and fun, even sadness.
but still, something in me is not right.
incomplete and inperfect.
i longed for something else.
something most wouldn't understand.
i need it so much.
so much that my heart is burning.
countless emotions burns in it.
without it, i'm nothing.
will i have it?
maybe never.....