Symptoms of A Failing Heart

so yeah, i bought a new phone today without much hesitation.
samsung i450 live loud edition.
hahahaha.
it was a impulse decision.
and simply because my contract had already expired and i somehow got THAT ITCH.
i did manage to persuade my dad to pay for it, hopefully he will.
as i'm REAL FUCKING BROKE now.
$3 in my bank. how pathetic.
i haven't been this broke for some time now.
but i'll be selling away my N70 tomorrow at either one of those outside mobile shop.
i reckon i could get at least a $140 for its sucky condition.
rofl.


so i was out with ah ni at 844 where she bought food home for her mom.
lunch at tm's long john was next.
THAT ITCH came and we went scouting for the perfect phone for me.
non-stop nonsense on the way.
met up with wenyan after my decision was made.
bumped onto qingan, james, bahgeh and sharon at starhub.
bought my phone before we split our separate way.


the initial 3 of us make our way to yan's house, with tong and steph already waiting for us.
slacked a while and configure my phone before proceeding to 844 for dinner.
ocha-ed, tong and steph left.
stopped at 834 where the 3 of us talked cock.
usual share problem session.
life can be so full of ups and down.
thank god i'm still not affected, yet.


all of you can have the BEST OF ME.
i really hope i could make everyone troubles disappear.
make it a pefectly flawless rowdees.
if i could, why not?
i am ANTI-PROBLEM!

a new lesson in life


"if neither ones give in.
nothing will happen.
NOTHING."


by senget THE WISE.


p.s. no luck on 4D this week.
embrace my hope for toto tonight.

booked out yesterday as usual at 11am.
by the time i reached home, it was already 2pm!
anyway, i'm slowing getting used to the LONG HECTIC travelling hours to and fro almost everyday.
SUCKS TO BE ME.


home to slack for awhile before i came out again at 5.30pm to meet tong, bahgeh and wenyan.
bumped onto zhenfai and persuade him to join us as we headed over to marina square.
joined qingan, hock, terter, ben and sharon.
had carl's jr for dinner!
MORE SINFULNESS with discount and free sides!!
MUAHAHAHA!
zhenfai, and tong left first due to personal reason.
next stop was night scenery viewing at merlion, courtesy of wenyan's recommendation.
night was made complete with soccer back at central park!
luckily they didn't manage to play on friday while i was on duty.
so we had our weekly dose of soccer till 2am.
7-11 to slack and crap.
finally slept at 3.30am!


so woke up today at 1pm feeling refreshed.
finally a 10 hrs of decent rest!!
hopefully i don't feel tired again while on duty tonight.
right now, i'm so fucking hungry!!
i'm cant' wait for mom to get food back for us.


2.5 hrs left before i leave for camp.
=(

i FAILED as a son.
i couldn't even remember my dad's IC number or his birth date, not even remember my mom's.
i needed them to verify my identification so that i can suspense my mobile line yesterday.
in the end, i had to call my mom for those information.
so yes, i lost my phone AGAIN!!
twice in 4 months. OH GREAT.
i just kept losing things as if i'm rich.
first my cap, then my lip ring and now my handphone.
i wonder what's next.
myself?


oh well.
with my efficiency, i've managed to buy my new sim card today.
therefore, i'm as contactable again.
a cost of $21 and another $20 for switching the ownership of my number to me.
so i don't have to trouble my dad anymore.


movie of 'evangelion 1.0: you're not alone' with bro and zhixiang today at the cathay after book out.
we had lunch at a japanese quickbites before catching the show at 3.20pm.
as a rather mini fan since young, the show was of course entertaining.
but i could see zhixiang almost falling asleep at the beginning.
hahaha.
sadly, the end was to be continued.
still, i'm anticipating for the hollywood remake of evangelion.


earlier on while waiting to meet my bro, zhixiang and me were at far east.
i was scouting for the PERFECT cap but eventually bought a plain black mesh cap instead.
also bought ps3's 'rainbow six: vegas 2' after book out.
omfg.
my cash is flowing away....
i need to strike lottery by this weekend!
wish me luck.

http://www.punkrockvids.com/link.php?swf=http%3A%2F%2Fprv.idobi.com%2Fswf%2Falesana-hourglass-live-prv.swf

ALESANA FUCKING ROCKS MY SOCKS TO THE CORE!!!!

i realized it's been a long long time since i last touch my WoW.
although i've already made payment till july.
i'm just so lazy to even login my character and play.
because there seems to be no point as most of my friends have already stopped.
simply too lazy to level my mage.
neither raiding nor pvp appeals to me anymore.
i guess my love for WoW have slowly died down.... for now.
maybe when the new expansion comes out late 2008 or early 2009, my mind may change.
till then, i'm currently playing cabal together with my platoon mates.
of course, nothing can ever be compared to WoW, maybe except LOTR online.
but cabal's rating is still average enough to make me spend time leveling.


i miss the good old raiding days in WoW.
which also means the times when i had no life.
or perhaps little life.


tomorrow will be booking in as early as 12.30pm to prepare to hand over our tanks before ORD.
then it will be yet another duty shift in the evening.
my mind, body and soul are already exhausted..
i hope they can last.
2 more weeks to go.
and not forgetting PAY DAY!

man utd won liverpool 3 - 0 = 2 x bubble tea
chelsea won arsenal 2 - 1 = another 2 x bubble tea.
WAHAHAHAHA!!
i can drown myself in bubble tea now.
sucks for zhixiang and yaohui, who look down on my predictions.


yet another book in day tonight.
hai......
my mood is slowly starting to swing like a pendulum.
this week duty would be on monday, wednesday, friday and sunday night.
guess i'll be missing friday night soccer.
FUCK!


soon, i'll be meeting baosheng and weili for movie of 'step up 2' at MS before booking in.
somehow or rather, i don't feel like leaving my home yet.
this dread feeling, paint my heart black.

AT LONG LAST, what an achievement to finally hand wash 14 of my band t-shirt!!
most of them have already been rotting in my room for almost a couple of months now.
MUAHAHAHAHA!!
i always wanted to wash them but i just didn't have the time.
or maybe i'm simply too fucking lazy.


honestly, i can't believe i can be so hardworking to hand wash my army clothes everyday in camp, but i don't have the time and effort to do it at home.
i admit i'm LAZY, but ONLY when i'm at home.
don't forget that my brother is WORSE.
that bear.
HOHOHO!
still, i do help in cleaning the dishes and stuffs when i'm at other people's crib.


well, BIG THANKS to FELKI who helped in mopping half of my place earlier on.
you make a DECENT MAID.
HAHAHA.
since you always want your name to be BIG here right, here's you go.
by the way, my parents just came back from malaysia already and the realized the amazing difference to the house.
they asked and i told them IT WAS ME, I MOPPED THE FLOOR!!
THE CREDITS ALL MINE NOW.
HUEHUHEUHEUHE.
THANKS AGAIN.


oh, i lost my cap today.
FUCK.
now i need to get a new one.
a perfect one would be SO HARD to find.

"my saving grace"
by armor for sleep


am i a toy to you?
with strings around my fingers,
for you to pull and watch as i collapsed when you want.
the coldest night to me, is a switch that you control.
tip-toe around your words just to calm you down again.


there’s too many people that we both love
and too many secrets i don’t wanna know.


you’re still chasing him.
my saving grace is saving face.
lost on the back burner.
good for, good for you.
my saving grace is saving face.
i just sit and wait.


there’s always just enough of you to pull me back.
but i can see your eyes drifting past what you have.
i’m flagging down a ship when it’s on its way to sea.
the horn is blaring out, but i just don’t want to believe.


i never left you in a sandstorm.
i never left you for a second at all.


you’re still chasing him.
my saving grace is saving face.
lost on the back burner.
good for, good for you.
my saving grace is saving face.
i just sit and wait.


i thought you were an angel, i guess you were a vulture.
either way, spread your wings and just fly away.


you’re still chasing him.
my saving grace is saving face.
lost on the back burner.
good for, good for you.
my saving grace is saving face.
i just sit and wait.


i just sit and wait. (spread your wings and fly away)

as for yesterday's activity.
i was awake as early as 8am for ps3 gaming.
afterward i met up with ahni at clock at before heading to somerset at 12pm to find chener.
so yeah, it was our very first outing with ultraman herself.
as keong, alex and felki would be late, the 3 of us caught 'rule #1' at cine at 12.40pm.
it was a pretty SUCKY show cause the storyline is ridiculously crappy.
but if you have a thing for cheap thrills, this show is for you.


i regret not bringing my sweater cause the air-con was freezing the shit out of us!
and instead of turning PALE, chener's feet actually appeared RED.
all the blood rush to the feet.
interesting.
WAHAHAHA.


in no time, keong, alex and felki FINALLY came and joined us at heeren.
next stop, lunch of chicken BREAST and ASS rice at far east plaza.
walked around quite a bit before weitong and steph came to join us.
continued walking abit more again thanks to the heavy rain as we're stuck.
how pathetic.
as always, time flies when we're having fun.
6pm and it was time for tong and me to book in while the rest head to somewhere else.
i can't believe they had fun without me.
LOL.
of course i was reluctantly to leave at first.
but what choice do i have.
AWOL?
MC?
not an option.
i'm WAY TOO COOL for that.
hohohoho.
took a bus to wenhu's house nearby where we had a free ride back to camp in his BMW.
PEW PEW PEW.



anyway, i was dead tired during my duty yesterday night.
i completely felt like a zombie after the duty.
must be due to a lack of proper sufficient rest for the past few days.
i could only last the first 4 hours and the rest of it, i had to depend on zhixiang to wake me up.
we were crapping so much till i almost doze off that i end up sleep talking with him.
hahahaha!!
i'm sorry dude.


as usual, it feels good great to be booking out AGAIN.
but the long train ride home is starting to irks me.
the minute i got a seat, i could just knock out straight away and not care even if i drool.
ROFL.
hopefully we have some plans later in the day.
and not forgetting tonight's MUST WATCH EPL matches.
THE BATTLE OF THE BIG 4.
man utd and chelsea better win.
because 4 cups of bubble tea are at stake!
HUEHUEHUE.


as for now, i just completed 'army of two' in my ps3.
no way i'm replaying it unless someone plays with me.
i can feel the boredom slowly creeping on me.
i miss playing 'rock band' at felki's house!
i miss the jamming feeling.
makes me feel like buying the game myself.
$400?
too overrated.

UNBELIEVABLE.
i was playing army of two on my ps3 this morning when my dad woke up.
surprisingly, instead of saying 'move away, i want to watch tv'.
he watched me play for awhile before offering to join me.
HAHAHAHA.
i was SHOCK.
it was the FIRST TIME the father and son played console game together.
so i let him try.
as expected he can't quite figured out the controls.
but he did manage to kill a few AI, with my help of course.
though after 10 minutes, he got fed up and stopped.


we break for lunch.
i was reluctant to go at first but got persuaded by mom in the end.
headed over to a temple at chai chee together with my auntie and niece (dad's god daughter) before having beach road prawn mee at katong.
YUMMY, dad and me each had $10 worth of king prawn mee.
ROFL.
MORE FATS.....


after which we headed while my dad went to his office for awhile.
i was back to playing my ps3 when he came back.
as i predicted, he offered to play game with me again.
LOL.
but instead of trying back army of two, we switched to playing winning eleven.
because i know it'll take ages before he master army of two.
hahaha.
so we had a few matches of winning eleven in the same team, man utd of course, and we won.
but against beginners AI which was easy as hell.
at the moment, i let him have the feel of the game on his own and it seems pretty okay.


still, it is weird to see my dad plays video game.
like never before has it happened.
i'm sure in the future, the whole family would be able to play together as a team.
we just need a decent family game and 2 more extra controllers.
well, now i finally thought of a valid reason to make my dad buy that 2 controllers.
HOHOHOHO.

OH GREAT.
our duty has been extended till 9th april.
but we will surely stand down that day as we gotta prepare for our taiwan trip already.
which also means time to clear off and leave!
on the bright side, a platoon from 41 SAR will come to relief us this weekend.
which means from next week onwards, our shift will transit from '12hr duty/24 hr rest' to '12hr duty/36 rest'.
hohoho.
i must say it is quite a rather good deal.
because its like we're only working a quarter of the week.
somehow i'm starting to love it.
as much as i love the new shift, my transport fee is still gonna be STACKING HIGH!!


just bought ps3's 'army of two' today right after i booked out.
$71.90 gone!
had kfc for lunch.
$6 gone!
FATS INCREASING....
OMFG.
i'm in serious need of help!
but the game is so much FUN!!


dinner with tong, wenyan and ah ni in awhile.
i better eat less.

i can't believe i missed saosin live when they opened for incubus concert!
i didn't even know until the concert ended.
damn it.

back from soccer!
besides from my aching legs.
my body is still recovering from the cold/flu.
thanks to the highest rainfall ever recorded in march.
i was either drenched during duty or because i had to bathe with cold water in such a cooling weather.
my running nose never seems to stop.
as if its running a marathon.
but i'm still wearing only my boxers to bed tonight, with the air-con on.
HAHA.
speaking of conserving energy to save the earth!
erm, another time perhaps.
heh.
=)

i'll be trying my luck to appeal to tp together with ah ni later.
but not before lunch with wenyan and boon at botak jones.
hopefully things go well so i won't kill my brain, thinking where to go after ORD.
so as we're nearing ORD, it's starting to feel more stressful.
is this how i should feel?
business which is more versatile and i may be of much use in my dad's business?
or perhaps design where i have more interest but i'll need luck and talent to be successful?
and should i enroll PSB? MDIS? SIM? KAPLAN? NAFA? LASELLE?
so many paths to choose.
so many different prices.
so many brain cells to kill.
so little money to spend.
life is terrible.


anyway, booking in and out each day isn't fun at all!!
it's fucking wasting my transport fee.
but what to do.
i would rather do this than stay in camp all the time.
but slowly, this is starting to strain me out.
day by day.
how long is it gonna last?
we have no idea.
seems like there's no end.
no end to my whining.


where the fuck is my ORD mood?
it irks me when we're suppose to relax back in camp.
fuck.
fuck him.
just come out or turn yourself in.
either way you're DEAD.

this is all in my point of view and not against anyone.


first of all, i NEVER like to see either one of my friends having argument with each other.
especially when its not necessary.
especially when its over a small issue.
especially when all of us have known each other for years, some even decades.
especially when all of us are in a bonded group call rowdees together.
especially when i love every single one of you.


so whats there to quarrel?
or should i say, whats the point to even be quarreling?
personally, i don't believe in quarreling.
its a sucky fuck up thing.
it hurts.
its something that should never happen among rowdees AT ALL.
because it affects not just one person, but everyone around.
thats why you'll never see me in an argument.


to me,
rowdees is like a linked chain.
when there's a broken/weak link, the chain breaks into half, more or less.
we function like a body.
when one organ fails, the whole system will become fragile and slowly fail.
then the body will no longer function just as well as before.


i admit trust can be quite a really tricky thing.
but forgiveness can be rather easy though.
easier than any of you can possibly think.
the power it has.
i always believe no matter what happens between rowdees, it can be settled peacefully.
whatever i can do to salvage anything, i'll do it.
no wrong, whatever WE can do to help, WE will, sincerely, willingly.
it's always about US.
cause there's no 'i' in a team.


in rowdees,
sorry shouldn't be the hardest thing to say.


in rowdees,
small words like 'are you okay?',
little actions like reaching your hands out for those who fell or even a SMILE.
its HUGE enough to tell how much we LOVE and CARE for each other.
like one big family.


doesn't mean that when all of us don't meet each other frequently besides soccer,
we don't care for each other.
we don't love each other.
WRONG, we do.
regardless of groups.
i don't see SEPARATE as a word in rowdees.


when you met someone since young, you slowly get to know him/her really well.
well enough to understand their flaws.
so when that flaw comes in between the relationship, you'll know how to manage it.
you see it coming and then you accept that flaw and let it go. let it go.
even if it keeps coming, just let go.
it isn't that hard, really.
i'm sure there's tons of wonderful events that happened throughout any relationship that can easily cover the lesser darker events.
good times > bad times
just like how
chuck norris > bruce lee
heh.


hopefully by posting this.
things may change for the better.
this is all i have i say.
think about it.


one word.
a powerful word.
CHUCK NORRIS!
EH NONONO.
I MEAN.
ROWDEES.
it overwhelms ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
=)


note: i don't want to see any rowdians leave us before i do. get it?


with love,
your best friend forever,
rowdees 14.

i'm sort of devastated.
poly admission results were out today.
i didn't get into the design course i wanted in tp.
as a matter of fact, none of my choices got through.
damn it.
now the headache of taking which private diploma will come....
or should i study nafa or laselle?
argh.


FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK!!!!
real turn out isn't fun at all.
especially when it happened 6am in a thursday morning.
and made me lost 4 off days!!!
SHIT.


all thanks to that fucker who escaped.
i swear i'm gonna stuff him with TONS of BABI the minute i spot him.
i'm serious.
he shall see the true wrath of CHUCK NORRIS!!!


so i was deployed in the western sector of singapore.
whereas the other battlions cover the other 3 sectors.
deep in the jungle, waiting for the fucker to come say hi.
then we can bash him REAL FUCKING HARD with our pathetic useless ET stick (wooden stick).
can you believe it?
we're just armed with sticks because he's believed to be unarmed or slightly small arms.
but we are told we can gang rape him with our sticks, so fair enough.
apart from the awesome jungle hat, sunglass and arm band they issued us which made us look totally ELITE, but the ET stick just made us look REAL BAD.


despite the efforts we made, everything seems to be in vain after 9 days.
we've been waiting and waiting.
endured through the rain, the blazing sun and the gang rape of the mosquitoes!!
every part of my body got an extra layer except my trousers.
therefore, my legs were raped SO FUCKING HARD.
and it was boring without my mp3, which i forgot to bring it when i rushed back to camp.
thank god for my phone with sms and weili's radio which kept me company throughout the boring duty.


if the fucker is truly inside the forest.
he'd have died by the weather/animals/reptiles.
fuck him.
fuck him hard.


anyway, we were suppose to hand over our duty to someone else yesterday.
but it didn't happen.
so we transit into a 3 groups of12hr duty/24hr rest shift.
which means inbetween the 24hr rest, we get to book out.
i'm still not sure if its good or bad.
hopefully its just gonna last for a few days only.


i know i whine alot.
=)

FINALLY.
the much-anticipated photos.
hahaha.