Symptoms of A Failing Heart

i'd never give up on you.
i only gave up on myself.

holding on to something that wasn't even there in the first place.

i can feel it coming.
all the symptoms revealing.
-the running nose.
-dry throat with occasion cough.
-body achings.
-tired and uninspired
i guess i am gonna be sick soon.
argh.....
but i have already prepared my mind and body to fight it.
for the win!


playstation3 ROCKS!
though more exciting games will come.
and it's gonna ROCK MY WORLD even more.
sad to say, $839 gone!
=(
time to save back them.


so little sleep these days and yet i am still so alive in the morning.
but so fucking dead when evening approaches.


am i doing the right thing?

paramore's songs rocks my sock!
and she's so HOT!
well, at least to me she is.
i have a feeling they're gonna be HUGE soon.


Paramore - Misery Business

the hardest part is letting go.

most of the rowdians are at ben's mum funeral now.
while i have to "hide" here at wenyan'se house because i couldn't go, thanks to my birthday.
=(
me being non-superstitious, i really wanted to go and send my condolences.
but my mum is, so she kinda ask me not to go.
nevertheless, i would have went without her knowledge.
but the rest of the rowdians also thinks its best i don't go at all.
so there you go, i heed their advice.
and now i have to entertain myself by blogging more because boon is occupying the gaming computer.
if not, i would have spend more time playing his 'hell gate: london".


for now, it's sad.
because i'm counting down to book in time.
argh.
yet another wonderful weekend have past in a flash.
i need to learn to slow time and appreciate things more.


with the venomous kiss you gave me,
i'm killing loneliness (killing loneliness).
with the warmth of your arms you saved me,
oh, i'm killing loneliness with you.
i'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb.
i'm killing loneliness.

my birthday chalet was a BLAST!!
and i mean a REALLY HUGE BLAST.
well, at least it means alot to me.


the price of starting my birthday chalet: approximately $700
time spent in the chalet: priceless
it was worth it, every penny.


so here's a HUGE THANK YOU to EVERYONE who attended it!!!
thanks for coming.
LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL!!
almost everyone i invited were there.
i am suppose to be really happy yet the thought of being older makes me sad.
how ironic.
lawl.


good thing about the chalet was i get to meet most of my old friends whom i haven't met for a long long time.
especially 3 of my primary school buddies, it's been like 8 years since the 4 of us gathered.
how time flies.
=)


guys of rowdians!
most of us are 21 already.
time to conquer yang tze now!
and more R21 shows.
ROFL.


i really appreciate all the presents and red packets given to me.
which includes the shirts, wallet, toys and condoms.
it makes my day, or perhaps, my week instead (if it even exists).
in conclusion, you can say i'm almost rich.
wahahaha.
$914 worth of red packets i received.
it's like OMFG!!
BUT NOT FORGETTING, my dad gave me a cheque!!
and i thought he was bluffing at first.
so in the end, i was shock to see the cheque got a $1125 written on it!!!!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
$2039!!!!!
plus the presents, it's almost $2100 and more in total.
BUAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
of course it can't be compared to the fake "$21k" cheque.
just a 0 aways from my biggest dream.
lol.
it's like i could get both a nitendo wii and a ps3 at the same time.
hohohoh.
but neh, i'm not gonna waste it all so fast.


well, i'm not gonna go in much details about the chalet cause i am so fucking lazy.
just for your information, i was wasted again the 2nd day.
god damn it.
i hate the feeling.
1 x cordon bleu, vodka, chivas, baileys mint chocolate, hennessy gone.
and so was i.
rofl.


and i did my stunts, just like i promised, to entertain some of the rowdians on the 2nd day afternoon.
in all, i had to wear stockings on my legs and panty hose on my head.
it's like seriously WTF.
i've never felt so much like a woman in my entire life.
rofl.
then, i had to dance for them.
dance moves courtesy of jolin's new video or something.
oh god forgive me!
i've embrassed myself so much, it was so lame.
therefore, the video and pictures they took are really PRIVATE and CONFIDENTIAL.
honestly, i'm not gonna show it to ANYONE.
maybe not yet.
hahahaha.


oh yeah, there's was also 2 video project each made especially for tong and me.
it was done by the blood and sweat of the luas.
here you go, enjoy the videos and the photos.
(note: i was drunk enough to can't even remember that i actually took some of the photos)


senget's



weitong's



































































now the sad part.
ben's mom just passed away recently.
he was at taiwan when it happened and he was flew back immediately.
everyone of us were shock when wenyan broke the news to us yesterday.
it was too sudden.
not her time yet i must say.
but we all have to give in to fate.
so ben, you have my deepest condolences.
i'm so sorry.
don't forget, rowdees will always be there for you.
=(

credits to felki's laptop.
if not i wouldn't be able to post this entry at the chalet.


this hangover is killing me!
i'm hardly trying to keep my sanity.
lol.
so yeah, i was drunk last night thanks to some people.
thought a few of them were drunk like me as well.
a social drinker like me, i could barely keep myself alive after a few cups.
in the end, i knew i was KOed though i can still remember what i was trying to do.
still, they were laughing at me the whole night!
argh.
i walk senget, literally.
and maybe talk alil' senget.
not forgetting i vomitted a few times as well.
honestly, the feeling sucks!!
i'm never gonna drink so much again.
2 chivas and 1 black label owned last night.
1 more chivas, cordon bleu, beer and more to go.
let's see whose gonna be GONE tonight.
wahahaha



despite me being KOed early.
i still manage to wake up now while everyone else is still sound asleep.
i shall wake them up soon since it's time for wild wild wet!
see you guys tonight!

am i losing you?
am i losing you?!?!
i've waited.
i've waited til it's over.
it's over now....


'without you here' by finch


p.s. finch's powerful vocals still blows me away, again, like how it used to few years ago

alright mother fuckers.
weitong and my chalet is confirmed to be at pasir ris coasta sand Q01 and Q02.
those coming on the saturday, the appropriate time would be at around 7-8pm if possible.
anything just give any of us a call.
for your information, the estimated attendances is quite ALOT!
which inlcudes my family, some of my relatives, rowdees, xiaogui, army friends, ex-jyss friends, my pri sch friends and some of my other outside friends.
well, hopefully the catering and bbq food is enough to go around for everyone.


today is weitong's official birthday.
so HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY to white aka gandalf aka ah pek tong!


oh, and if you're cracking your brains on what to get for me for my birthday.
NO FEAR!!!
here's a solution for you.
let you introduce you to the "get-senget-a-console-foundation".
hahaha.
by that i mean either a xbox360, ps3 or wii.
though i still can't decide which to buy cause it's just so fucking confusing.
too many pros and cons to think about.
this is just a general idea, but you guys are most welcome to get different presents.
or maybe not even a present.
i won't mind.
your attendance is already much appreciated.
=)


honestly, i can't wait till my chalet right now.
the feeling of joy, excitment and maybe abit of nervousness as well.
plus the rowdians are expected to give me hell on friday night.
with all the stupid stunts i need to do.
argh!
then i'm sure on saturday, most of my army friends planned to make tong and me drunk.
but i'll try to resist and pray that i succeed.


as you know, i'm at a lan shop now thanks to the nights out.
the 2 more training days in camp till friday can be quite a pain in the ass!
hopefully it pass fast.


super import nights last sunday was quite an experience.
first time being at a motorshow and it was an eye opener.
lots of cars, hot chicks and stuffs.
took abit of photos and went to find joanne as well who was working there.
lol.





anyway, my mood (maybe even moodless) recently can be describe in just 1 word; DOWN, FUCKING DOWN!
okay maybe thats 3 word.
rofl.
some of the rowdians already know whats happening to me.
but i'd like to reassure you that i'm good. really.
doing better than i've expected.
especially when it's my birthday week, i have to at least SMILE right.
it's gonna take time but i'll heal.
thanks for all your concerns.
=D


okay, i'm still waiting for the WoW here to finish updating before i can start playing.
so most of my friends now are playing dota while i'm alone doing my thing.
nights out makes me broke!
i wonder why i'm out now anyway.
hahaha.
sucks to be me.

guard duty was a pain in the ass!
(i must emphasis again that it isn't your fault that i'm doing it on weekend)
=)
the 4 times of prowling makes my legs ache so bad.
and i barely have enough sleep!
though i don't felt like resting now.
i dread booking in AGAIN later tonight.
how sad, how pathetic.


choosing a birthday cake ain't easy at all!
i can't decide the flavor, design, color and etc.
honestly, most of them look lame to me.
i just want something simple and plain will do.
nevertheless, end up getting a 3 kg chocolate cake from some cheap cake shop near my house.
lets hope it's nice (both the design and taste).


if only you could see in the mirror what i see

my dad actually bought a new car today.
though we're only able to get it this coming january.
but it's fucking good enough!
so he's scapping his old toyota corona for the new honda civic!
hohoho.
FOR FUCK SAKE, I NEED A LISCENSE!!!


oh, i just had my hair cutted by a malay barber.
it's been like YEARS since i ever went to one.
in other words, i only went there back when i was a sort of PLUMP GEEK.
rofl.
till today, i still kinda hate it.
because just before they always end their hair cut.
they would shave your sideburns with the razorblade.
god, that awful feeling.


okay, it's dinner time now!
and i still need to go downstairs again later to order my birthday cake.
so for those who still don't know.
i'm having a chalet (which is also weitong's) is from 16th - 18th november at coasta sand pasir ris Q1 and Q2.
invited guests are to come on the 17th.
by invited, i mean anyone whom i know will do.
=)
free food/drinks and company is provided.
anything just give me a call.



honestly, i'm not sure if i'm actually looking forward to my birthday.
or at least being 21.
hmm....


couples of hours left till i book in.
hai....
this week is full of bad feelings.
i have to fucking erase them.


i only have myself to blame.
i could easily said sorry a million times.
i'm sorry.

if i could,
i'd do anything.
just to see you laugh.
just so you could smile.

just when i thought i would crawl myself out of bed this morning.
here i am now.
in fact, i'm almost wide awake!
something's wrong with me.
i tried going back to sleep but to no valid.
i've only had like 2 hours plus of sleep man.
seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?


well, i was supposed to be jogging right now.
but the fucking rain ruined everything.
argh.
so what else can i do right now?
maybe i'll read a magazine while bombing,
and perhaps WoW.


honestly, i dread booking in again tonight.
especially when i end my day in a worthless way.
so the next time you see me would be sunday morning when i end my guard duty.
=(
sucks to be me.

instead of going brewerkz earlier on.
we end up at the new club, plush.
it's much more fun than we expected and we enjoyed ourselves quite alot.
bump onto lots of friends there and we danced/drink our way through the night.
so now i'm home tipsy.
though feeling much better now after "breakfast" of macdonalds again for my bro and i.


i'm gonna WoW now for awhile before i make my way to bed.
zzzz.
hopefully i have no problem waking up early tomorrow.

i was supposed to have guard duty tonight.
but i swapped it with weitong's saturday duty.
since he got something on that day and i was suppoose to have something on tonight.


thought there's been a change of plan tonight.
at first there's was gonna be no plan as clubbing was cancelled.
now the new plan; it's off to brewerkz for some slacking sessions.
thank god, if not it would have been a waste, sacrificing my precious saturday.


but i still feel alil' regret swapping.
the swap wasn't as worthy as it first was.
=(


i predict this week is gonna be HELL.
i've already foreseen it coming.
argh.
i need LIGHT on my side.
where is it when i need one.


you shine brighter than anyone

forgive me if i seem forward,
but i've never been in front of anything like you.
it's the last place i ever thought i'd be when i woke up this morning.
is it true that you are always this breathtaking?
and you're smart and you're willing,
and my god this is killing me.


tell me all of your hopes,
all of your dreams.
i want you to take me there (take me there).
tell me all of your hopes,
all of your dreams.
i want to take you there (take you there).
tell me everything,
every breath,
i want you to know i'll be there (know i'll be there).
there's just one more thing,
one request,
i want you to take me with you.


take me with you.
i will never let you down.
.........................................


'take me with you' by secondhand serenade

just got back from the so-called "jogging" with joanne when we actually walk MORE THAN we jogged!
as usual. lol.
after the exercise, we had lunch ah at 826 where we ate till so full.
so practically, it's as if we didn't even exercise AT ALL.
hahahahaha.


can't blame us though, as we jogged quite ALOT yesterday's evening already.
we ran around the neighbourhood and the stadium.
not forgetting the few hours of sleep we had the night before.
so yeah, our mind and legs couldn't last through today's jog.
plus i was having my usual friday night soccer where my legs almost cramped up.


so now, i'm waiting for today's plan to happen.
hopefully soon before i die of boredom.

31st oct
home-d from the airport to change before i'm outside again at 2pm to meet geok san for lunch.
as well as to pass her the loads of gifts i got for her.
hahahaha.
to satisfied my long cravings since australia, we had pastamania!
yum yum.
next up was movie of "superbad" at 3.45pm at tm.
wasn't as good as i expected but we had our shares of laugh.
all the curses and swear, crude jokes and sexual references are just so funny.


walked abit more before i walked her home as usual.
home-d again to bathe and grab my old ite uniforms for her before meeting again.
back to tm again as she needs to finish her work documents.
this time round, took a bus as i sent her home.
and sorry for being rude.
lol.


met up keong, tong, felki, suetjing, wenyan and kuku at fitness corner as i passed them their gifts as well.
BUT, as soon as they found out what i bought them gifts are far lesser compared to her's.
they started to nag, complain and whine REAL BAD!
though it's seriously funny about what they said, and of course i went speechless.
ROFL.
sorry guys!
at least what i bought for you guys individually are more than what i even bought for myself.
=D


soon, they all make their way home while my parents came to pick me up for supper at hongkong cafe!
sadly, i wasn't as hungry so i didn't make full use of the FREE FOOD!
shit.
also, mom found out about my tongue piercing but she was on angry mode for only 1 minute.
PHEW~
hopefully nothing bad happens when i get my next lip piercing.


in the car, i started to feel so fucking tired that i was literally sleep talking to my mum.
she was asking me questions but in the back of my head, i know i was replying in a no-link manner.
lol.
KO-ed immediately when i got home.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


1st nov
strangely, i woke up at 7.30am automatically.
maybe i've still yet to adapt to singapore timing.
though i still feel so tired for the rest of the days.


by noon, was out to meet most of the tankee and some of platoon 9 as we had dim sum buffet at mirama hotel!
the food is delicious and i end up so fucking full!


after the meal, we took a cab to parklane where we had gaming of wow, cs, battlefield and dota.
play for a few hours before slowly, one by one left.
by the time we stopped playing, only a few of us were left.
(weili, vincent, willie, dahua, zhanming and me)
so we walk our way to orchard for some shopping.
most of them got themselves slippers at fareast.
and i got myself another band t-shirt! (i killed the prom queen)
ever so tempting. hahaha.


bump onto my friend working in image 2001 and he told me that new stocks are coming next week!!
ahhhhh..... should i make a stop by?
god, i have to resist!


dinner at fareast before we make our way home soon.
KO-ed at 1am.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


2nd nov
as for today, my bro is gonna pick me up real soon for lunch at tampines interchange as he's driving.
though while waiting, i'm rather bored right now.
WoW-ing would be my only option left to spent my time.
zzzzz.....

HOHOHO!
oh fuck yeah!
look whose finally back.
after 16 days of agonizing days in shoal water bay training area, rockhampton, australia.
how time really flies.
i still remember i was whining/complaining to everybody during the first few days.
and now it's all over.
one step closer to ORD!


okay this is really gonna be a fucking long post.
bear with me.
so let me start off from the first day we left for australia.
oh, and i can't post most of the military pictures here as we're not allowed.
but i'll show you personally if you want.


also, throughout the whole training.
i manage to only wear 2 sets of uniform, a no.4 and a coverall.
hahahaha.
which explains why my back still itch right now.
i know we stink.
=)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


15th oct - 16th oct
mum came to send me off personally.
dad joined and we had my last meal of macdonald's before i left.
we were on air new zealand and the movies on the plane was rather boring compared to SIA.
but wth, i still manage to entertain myself throughout the flight.
australia time is 2hrs ahead of singapore.
so at around 12am, we reached rockhampton's airport.
had to queue up real long to let them check our kit bag.
took almost 4 hours for the whole inspection to end.
hopped on a bus which took us to camp growl itself.
settled down and rested for the day.
though inbetween we had to unload the crates.


as expected, the living condition do sucks.
real hot in the day and fucking cold in the night.
though in the later part of time there, the night isn't as cold as before.
toilet was okay, at least toilet papers are sometimes provided.
flies are fucking irritating, hordes of them trying to fuck your face.
but it was better later, or maybe because we're already used to it.


good thing about there is that they have internet! (though connection is on/off)
and yeah, i sent quite alot of emails.
phone line was good as well.
canteen food is fucking expensive but they're nice.
so i didn't quite mind spending on it.
speaking of it now, i kinda miss it.












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


17th oct
orientation driving for the entire day and night so that we could get used to the road.
my night driving suck.
tank overheated halfway.
had to repair it in the middle of the night.
oh well, service and maintenance to end the day.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


18th oct - 21st oct
the start of our first outfield!
3D2N of 2-sided combat team exercise.
camo face.
dirty coverall.
which is also the time when i got into 2 accidents!


first
it was the deadfall in the middle of the night which fell ontop our tank when we doing bashing.
i was sleeping and dreaming when i felt something just hit me on my head and shoulder.
rather shock as i woke up in blur, wondering what hit me.
well, thank god for the helmet which saved us from more injuries.


second
the more major of all the accidents i've ever met.
i took over weili as driver in the night as he was way too tired.
so the next morning when i was driving past a bent, the left steering handle came off!
within that second, i was stunt and my mind went "WTF?!".
everything happened so fast.
before i could even ebrake or control the tank, it collided with a huge tree.
my nose hit something right away (i still can't figure out what hit my nose).
it bled immediately and i was kinda in a state of shock.
i simply couldn't believe what happened.


thank god, my crew were all fine.
i end up with a bloody swollen nose.
they end up with only some sprains, aches and bruises.
i'm just sad that my tank got pawned by the impact.


anyway, after our tank were ready to tow back camp by the FMT.
our whole crew, 34 swapped tank with 34B as we carry on with our mission.
while 34B took over with the towing and repairs.


as soon as i know it, 3D2N ended and i was rather satisfied.
except the fact that i hate eating combat rations.
and peeing on ant nest was fun.
catching spiders and scorpions too.
anyway, service and maintanence the next day.








-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


22nd oct
combat team live firing rehersal.
the whole battlion had to shift to our new tiger hill camp (which sucks even more).
as camp growl is gonna be taken over by 41st SAR.
ahh damn it.
nothing much.
just some preparation for the actual live firing the entire afternoon.
rest of the day was canteen break and recess!


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


23rd oct
actual combat team live firing.
it was a BLAST!
i was about to record the whole process down when my camera went low batt!!
argh. i was so fucking frustated that i didn't manage to get it down in video!
but thanks to attila's 14 who took over my tank.
they did get their live firing process in video.
and it is pretty AWESOME!




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


24th oct - 27th oct
4D3N full troop exercise!
the longest of all outfield.
total of 6 days wearing the same thing inside out.
eating instant noodle as mamee like nobody's business.
i hate combat ration!
thought time flies like mad.
as i don't have a watch, i can't keep track of time.
don't even know how much i've slept, just feel like having insufficient rest all the way.
dozing off and drooling most of the time. lol.


oh yeah, during the mission, our tank was declared down (total kill) by the umpire all the time.
which is good in a way, as we get to rest all the way till the mission ended.
lol.
but PC was complaining as he's missing out on the action.
even when we're not down, we were waiting and waiting.
how boring.
so in a flash, our whole training ended!
hohoho.










-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


28th oct - 29th oct
service and maintanence for tanks and firearms, packing of crates, more canteen break and slack for the 2 days.
i've spent almost $100 on canteen break itself.
oh god, help me.
the last night, we had our end-of-frame dinner with lots of booze, wine, chips and food!
i had my fair share of food and coke.
though i didn't really drink at all.
because it's WAY MORE FUN looking at my drunkard friends doing funny stuffs.
man, i sure laugh alot on the nonsenses they were doing.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


30th oct
left camp growl in the morning when the buses came to pick us up.
proceeded over to the huge 1 storey shopping centre.
i would say the prices are around the same as singapore or some even more expensive.
we had around 3hours of time to shop and i actually bought quite ALOT of stuffs.
mostly for everyone else in singapore and spent like only less than $10 on myself!
got myself a bandana and afew tibits.
got them ALOT of chocolates, nougats, candy, nuts etc.
i wonder if i'm crazy.
thats what weitong said anyway.
hahaha!
in total, the $320 aussie dollars i bought over to australia were OUT!
thats like $422 singapore dollars!!
OMFG!


shopping ended and we proceed to our lunch at a college.
next stop, resort!
room was big and comfy.
and it was really entertaining there!
porns are available at a price on the tv.
the beautiful scenery, clear ocean, sandy beach (just without the hot chicks though).
not fogetting, the swimming pool, spa and sauna!
but everywhere you see is 46th SAR guys!
where's the love?!?!
rofl.


sad thing is that the strip clubs over there has closed down.
awww.. how sad.
=(

dinner buffet at the hotel, which sucks because the variety of food is PATHETIC.
and then it was back to the room to rest until 12.45am.
off to night snack at the college again.
headed to the airport soon after.











-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


31st oct
our flight left at 5am and we're off to singapore.
as usual, i didn't catch much sleep but watch more movies on the plane.


by 10.30am, TOUCHDOWN SINGAPORE!
IT'S FUCKING GREAT TO BE BACK.
got myself a chivas, johnny walker black label and 6 packs of hoegaarden.
which means MORE HOLES in my pocket.


left with weitong as my cabby uncle came to pick us up.
HOME SWEET HOME!