Symptoms of A Failing Heart

i'm so damn boring now at home!! been playing the new game, "forgotten realm: demon stone" ever since i bought it on the way home from school in the afternoon. i have been sticking to my xbox these couple of days and today, i play the game for like hours before i eventually got stuck and hence, i stopped for awhile. haha. took a break with my famous amos cookies and some chips. its been long since i sat down for a meal like that cause i've been real busy lately and i'm on a diet! haa. now waiting for my mom to buy dinner back or something, then later some soccer action at 11pm. i still got school tomorrow (the most boring lessons ever!) and i know i've been acting like i'm on holiday due to me reaching home so very late recently and my mom is starting to get annoyed. i also have to hand in my project's report tomorrow or else i'm gonna get a 0 for it!!! just wish i'll be able to wake up on time also cause my class advisor already told me today that i'm going to be debarred for some particular subject!!! what the fuck? i really have no idea what subject it is and he didn't even told me. when i ask him what subject?, he just tell me i myself should know. how the hell am i suppose to know? i didn't even keep track of it at all. just pray hard for me that nothing happens or somebody's gonna get a hurt real bad. fuck it, am i really that useless?, or lazy? i feel as if i'm turning into a bad guy or something. i need to buck up! i've just scored well for my maths test again which i was really shock and i'm not gonna waste it all away. i did cheat alil' for the paper but it appears to me it doesn't really help at all. but cheating is cheating, do u think i feel bad about it? hell yes!! and to prove myself, i will take the retest and score much higher than my 74 marks. only if the teacher allows me to retake of course. i WILL get to second year!! i swear to god. no one shall stop my determination.

anyway, i've thought about it and i think i'm gonna quit my job. it may sound easy but i really don't know how to tell my boss. i need an excuse. no more money earning for me even if i'm dead broke. i hate working, i want my freedom back. fuck work. unless if theres other better jobs out there like working in a youthful environment instead.

"so give me all your poison,
and give me all your pills,
and give me all your hopeless hearts
and make me ill"

mirah, shirhan and senget

i'm in school now, waiting for the freaking SLOW time to pass. hope the teacher will release us at 4.15pm like he promised. i've even skip today's 4 hours of software engineering class in the morning as i was really very tired due to yesterday night soccer session, which eventually ended when we got chased away by the police. i feel like i've been skipping school so much. really got to change and improve alot of myself. anyway later still have to go my great grandma house first to help my primary school cousin on how to send an email for his school work. then i'll be going home to change and go to work!! arrgg.. the thought of working just simply makes me sick already. somemore i'm working with the quietest aunite in the company, it'll confirm be so damn boring with her around. she doesn't talk much and i just have to sit there patiently and wait for the pathetic 4 hours to pass. maybe catch a movie after work alone since my friends have been saying that "eye 10" is nice. if only got people to accompany me.

ok i've really decided to quit my job sooner or later, but i just don't know how to start or tell my manager about it. its like i'll feel so irresponisble, guilty or something. cause i just started working for a month plus only. its like how are they gonna think of me if i just like that quit? these things really stress me up. "to quit or not to quit?". i've longed for a job whatever i'm unemploy. but when i finally get employed, my mind is like wanting to work and don't want to . it just can't make up his mind. i work cause i need money but on the other hand, i'm too lazy to work hard for it. i'm such a plain lazy mother fucker. when working weekdays, i feel so tired and boring because of school. while on weekends, i just feel like enjoying myself and have fun. there just don't exist a single day in my life that could actually make me feel like working. if only money would fall from the sky. if only i was from a rich family. if only i struck 4d/toto. if only i have a sugar mommy. haa i feel like i have no future at all. all i need now in my life is plain freedom and more FUN! i wonder how am i gonna survive when i became a working man in the future. guess i'm not gonna think about that now. i'm too confuse to think of anything now. all these things suck, how i wish i was back in time when i was young and got nothing to stress about. also, school now isn't any good for me either. i'm alway lazy to get up for school. i hate exams, test, assignments, projects and other shits. i always feel like quiting school (i was saying that since i was in secondary schoo, haha). i even thought of not continuing poly after i graduate from ite. i just want holiday every now and then. maybe i should... all these emotions kept inside me can't wait to be burst out. arrgghh maybe i need an advisor or psychologist or something! I JUST NEED A BREAK!!

the female version of me

it1c!!!

yes. i really dont know how to play the guitar

nget nget

alright i just remembered something. i've a FREAKING TEST TOMORROW!!! FUCK IT!! i haven't even study for it, as usual of course. maybe a last minute study later when i get home or on the way to school tomorrow. and i got like a BIG report to do and some other assignment and test coming up this week. i even have work tomorrow and tuesday!! damn i'm feeling really stress now. i don't feel like working anymore nor studying. i'm so jealous when i'm schooling and most of my friends are having holidays!! arrgghh. shibby!! real fucking SHIBBY!!~~

yesterday, caught the movie "house of fury" with weitong, qingan, james, jason, chinmeng, mond, yan, sharon and peggie. its one of the rare chinese movies that i get to see and it wasn't that bad. some scenes were boring but overall, i'd give it a 6.5/10 rating. after the show, some of us went home to change and take our bicyle before going 827 to have our dinner. then proceed to chinmeng to watch soccer matches. before those big match started, watched the vcd "omen" inside meng's room. wasn't the horror/scary show we expected. its just a cool movie which could actually make u keep watching cause u have to watch the show completely to know the whole story. the soccer match between england and northern ireland was boring, so we went to play soccer after the first half ends. i actually planned to go home and rest cause i'm really very tired. but eventually, i went to play as i wasn't working the next day. finally, got myself home at around 1 plus.

today, was awoken by my bro who came into my room to play xbox. he was playing the new game "star wars: republic commando" that i bought. as i can never sleep with the lights on or even with any sound, i got myself up and use the computer instead. at 4pm, went downstairs to meet up with weitong and yan cause i was returning my dvds. weitong went home to bath due to his new haircut at fushion. therefore, i and yan went mary brown to buy some food to go her house eat and watch dvds. mary brown just costed 3 bucks for a 2-piece meal, but with the coupons of course, fucking worthy. like normal singaporean, i took a hell load of the coupons. cycled through the rain and then waited for tong to come so we can start watching the lame show, "talking cock". its much worse than i remembered it was. anyway, i'm still at her house blogging while the two are busy doing other stuffs.

fuck. i really feeling fat now. i need a bloody diet or exercise.
damnit. anybody cares to join me?

just come back this morning after my 3 days, 2 night class chalet at pasir ris coasta sand resort. the details are too much and i can't possibly describe all the fun and laughter we had. but there's some main things i could tell u. first, i had the ride of my ride. i was out buying and collecting food with afiq, who tonbang me around with his motorcycle. the feeling was power! it was my first time. at the beginning i was so afraid and i was holding on to his shoulders, but slowly i got the hang of it. damn, i really want to try that again when i have the chance. second, we went to red house on our first night there, but i didn't went in. only haikal, ghaz and shirhan went in. i really wanted to go in and and just when i have the guts to, they're already inside. haha. i also learnt some new ghost stories which i'll be sharing it soon. muahaha.

anyway, i just came back from some drama/play at BBTC with karen. the whole show was really cool and also funny. it talks about all the problems teenagers faced nowadays plus some testimonies from people about problems they used to face and not forgetting, some songs and dance. the singer's voice was powerful and the lines in the play are really meaningful. i kinda remembered this line, "don't ask me to cheer up. tell me how to cheer up". it may sound common or simple to most of u but its the first time i ever heard that. some of the events in the play somehow even relates to me. after the play, got a free buffet awaiting for us but i didn't eat at all. hmm, i know some of u would be like, "wow, got free food senget also never eat!?!?!". haha. i have no idea myself, i just do some plain catching up with karen. then i make a wasted trip to tm while karen went out with her sister and friends. i'm just too frustrated to talk about it. arrgg. just before i went home, went to 'mary brown' to try their food. not really as good as i expected, i think popeye chicken or kfc is better. and its alot more expensive! damn, think i'll never go there again. later, i guess would be going down to play soccer with the rowdians. i even have to go work tomorrow!! fuck it!! i hate that! i really feel like quiting.

somehow, i'm feeling sad now..... i don't know why.
p.s i'm so totally obssess with this song, "the rapture was yesterday" by five minutes ride.
its really nice! u guys should go listen even though its more of screamo.
but i just can't find the lyrics. if u find it for me, i fucking love u!!!!

its been hell of a weekend and now, it marks the beginning of my holidays!! muahaha... but anyway most of my buddies would be having their exams now. fuck it!! but i'm scheduled for lotsa activities this holiday week with sentosa tomorrow and chalet from wed to fri plus another sentosa session with the rowdians on sunday. i'm so totally looking forward for it. ok here's some recap for the shittest thing i had done last week.

on friday, skipped my OS lesson. hahaha. been playing my xbox cause i bought some new games on thursday. got myself "fifa street", "x-men legend", "tony hawk underground 2" and "otogi 2". i even stole 2 games on thursday. 1 for me and 1 for keong. hahaha. it was really easy cause the uncle was like stupid! but i feel really guilty about it cause its so long since i've done those things cause i've already sweared to god that i won't do that anymore. guess i've broken my promises. pray hard that i don't get addicted again. damn. i'm like doing so much bad things. anyway, i've been play those games ever since i woke up. cause finally something to entertain me during my holidays. play till around 4+ before going tp to play soccer with fellow rowdians. play with some chinese team which look so pro. but still, we ROCK. hahaha. after soccer, went ocha as per normal to slack and drink for awhile. then proceed home to continue my gaming session with my bro till late even though i still got work tomorrow.

the next day, worked from morning till noon and then went back to rest. play games for awhile before heading to wenyan's house to wait for the rest cause we'll be going pasir ris park later for bbq due to kuku's birthday which is coming soon. after everyone's ready, cycled there with most of them while the ladies took a cab. do the usual shitty things at the bbq like eating, drinking, playing cards, lil' bit of soccer and some silly games. haha. took a cab home with ben alone cause both of us are working tomorrow. alright now i'm starting to hate work cause it always spolit my fun when i was just about to enjoy it.

after the long day of work on sunday, went home to rest again. then off to 827 to have dinner with weitong, qingan, james, chinmeng, mond and wenyan before going chinmeng's house for yet another soccer match watching. i didn't stay there for long cause i was starting to feel bored and i missed my xbox games too much. haha. left for home alone and soon, there i was, playing games till late night which i do best.

work up rather early the next day. continue gaming till afternoon before making myself 2 packets of maggie curry and then back to sleep. haha. now i really sound like a pig. after my nap, went to prepare to meet dwight to pass him some pc games to keep him company. after that, proceed to work!! damnit. and finally after 4 agonizing hours, i'm back home. just had my chicken rice dinner which i can't finish. now i'm kinda sick of my xbox game already, think i need some new ones. thats why i'm using the computer instead. can't wait till sentosa tomorrow with weitong and ben plus their classmates whom i don't really know well. hope we're all gonna have some relaxing and fun times. till then, i'm out sucka!! u guys can fuck off now. muahahahaha...... and yes i'm retarded, bitch.

on monday, i bought my labtop to school again to show my classmates the russell peter's video clip. we sure fucking enjoy it. we've been like laughing and quoting all the sentences he used in the clip. its just too unforgettable. i'm sure we'll gonna continue making jokes about it everyday. we just love !xobile . "oh baby, say my name. SAY MY NAME", "Oh my god! !xobile". hahahaha!!! these are the words that keep repeating in our heads endlessly. thats just too many funny jokes in the clip which is so catchy.

ok today was the deadlinefor our software engineering project and i didn't even do anything about it till i reached school, late of course. luckily teacher gave us some time to touch up the presentation. so luckily i managed to use the time to do my group's presentation halfway done. now, the deadline is tomorrow and we'll be presenting it. so i'll be completing my project right after i finish blogging. well, i hope i can complete it. all the best for me. after school, went home to rest for awhile before going century square to watch the movie, "Boogeyman" with weitong, albert, paul, mond and yan. i would say it wasn't a really good movie but its actually quite shocking, at least to some of us. and finally, i get to watch movie free after the first mistake that i paid for it without realising i could watch for free since i'm one of the staffs. haha. now, i'm anxiously waiting for "kingdom of heaven" to launch around may worldwide. for those who have no idea about it, its about a epic-adventure of the middle age knighthood and crusade story of jerusalem. starring orlando bloom, i'm sure most girls would love to see him. haha. anyway, had chicken chop rice for dinner today. i know i've been eating so much crappy and heaty stuffs. i really need to control cause my throat still feels quite sore and i've been coughing like a SICK OLD MOTHER FUCKER. and theres also this FUCKING HUGE ULCER thats on my upper lip for quite sometimes. its bloody hell making me hard to eat and causing me hell lot of pain!!! damn, why can't i just quickly recover. shibby!~

friday:
had a OS test and i hardly even study for it. or should i say, never even study for it. haha. cause i was playing soccer the day before till late at night. lucky yan was there to help me wrote down the answers cause i bought along my guide questions the teacher gave when playing soccer. incase i don't have the timeand i can also study for the test easily with the answers available. meet up with yan, mond, hock to play pool at pavilion. had BK for dinner before making our way to changi airport's subway again as usual. i've been going there for 2 fridays consecutive straight man. anyway, its not a bad thing cause i get to eat free food and drinks!! muahaha. stayed there for quite sometime before going for the standard night soccer session. finally stopped playing at 3am cause i gotta go back home to rest as there's still work the next day. fuck it.

saturday:
work, work and work. i didn't even have enough sleep at all. and finally the 8 LONG hours of work ends and i went pav to play cs with qingan, weitong, jason and albert. cycled home to change first, then headed to james' house for a while to wait for some of the rowdians. proceed to chinmeng's house to watch soccer match and then to park again for another soccer session. this time, our names were recorded down by some "policeman", more like voluteers. then went to hockey court to continue our play cause we weren't allow to play at the basketball court. again, i play till 3am and went home to sleep asap.

sunday:
WORK as usual!! i can't believe i can even wake up at all. haa. after work, went to buy dog food and some other stuffs first before making my way home. took a mini 30 mins nap and then went 827 go have dinner with afew of the rowdians. then cycle to chinmeng's house again to slack and watch this thai vcd, "Feng Shui". haha, not a bad show with a nice story. now i'm using meng's com as per normal as i'll be leaving home soon cause i'm so FUCKING TIRED!! planning to skip maths lesson tomorrow but i hope not. i'm just so lazy!! haven't even do the maths' assignment and also most important. the software engineering project which is dued on tuesday!!! how am i gonna present it at all. arrrgghh. i'm so stressed up. i still have to go work for monday to thursday night. now, i'm really considering if i should work at all.

finally, the maths retest on monday was over. think this time, i will most probably pass it alot better than the previous one. hope i could get at least 80. hahaha. but the sad thing was, the networking test yesterday was really hard. i only know like so little questions. well, i think almost everyone is gonna fail. if only theres a retest.

anyway, today in school was as fun as usual. missed visual basic lessons again!! i really can't wake up and this is the second time already. hope i won't get debarred or something. ok some funny shits happened during IWAD lessons. khai was trying this strip poker game from ghaz's phone. its like hentai dude! haha. so while waiting for the teacher to continue the lesson, i just give it a try to learn see how the game goes. at a point of time, we finally managed to strip the girl until she was half naked. hahaha. right at that time, miss az, the assistant teacher came and saw what we're doing!! i was like so freaking shock and pai sae man! damnit, khai, who already saw her coming, didn't really gave us a warning. he just turn back and save himself. haha. so this is it, the first time i was spotted playing porn stuffs by a teacher in schoo!!! hahahaha. they say my face was so red when i got spotted. damn. miss az even say something like, "wah playing sinful things ah". i just pass all the blame to ghaz cause it was his phone. hahaha. anyway its not sinful to me cause i'm 18 already, but this incident really spoilt my DECENT and INNOCENT REPUTATION. muahaha. oh ya, i realised that shait was so engross in that game. he was playing it the whole time for like hours!!! hahahahaha. cheeky shait.

ok enough of this, time for my dinner cause i'm like so hungry....

friday:
had a soccer match with IT1E and we lost 6-5!! god damnit, i know we should have and could have win. but i knew we've all done our very best. so lets just forget it, the next time we have a rematch, i'm sure we'll gonna win it back. i promise. the reason we lost maybe the lack of teamwork and stamina for most of us. all of us just have to buck up. anyway, after match i went home straight to change and met up with yan. proceed to interchange and meet peggie and tiannee for dinner at interchange. after spending much time deciding, we finally made up our mind to go pastamania to eat. ended up eating alot because most couldn't finish their share. walked around at the pasa malam before meeting up with albert to go subway to find the rest. slacked there for quite some while and play some stupid fortune telling stuffs. hahaha. after they knocked off, went for another late night soccer session at the park as usual. finally got back to my precioussss bed at 3am.

saturday:
i was at work from 9.45am to 5.45pm. i was really freaking tired due to the lack of sleep. i just didn't have the time for enough sleep. after work, was suppose to have a steamboat gathering for all rowdians but it was last minute cancelled. so in the end, went home to change and then to 822 to eat with qingan, weitong, james, paul, chinmeng, jason, yan, tian nee and peggie. after the meal, went to chinmeng's house to watch soccer match and mahjong session for some of them. me, on the otherhand, was sleeping my way through. at about 10.30pm, most went for another soccer session while i went home to sleep cause i was too tired to even move.

sunday:
was another boring day at work. first time, i reached there early and its already a miracle that i can even wake up for work. haha. anyway, i was so eagerly waiting for the time to past! it sure past slow over there. i finally got my levi's jean altered during breaktime. after work, went home to put some stuffs before going 824 to eat with the rowdians again. been eating heaty and oily stuff for the whole day already. shit i really need to eat some lighter food or my throat is never gonna recover. ok now i'm at chinmeng's house again. the rest are playing mahjong as usual while waiting for some soccer matches to start. wonder what time i would get back home. i even have a maths retest tomorrow and i still haven't even study for it!!! fuck, i already flunked the previous test so i better not flunk the retest again. hope i got the time to study later or the teacher would give us time to study tomorrow. wish me luck guys.

just had my dinner of nasi lemak and oyster omelette. so freaking FULL now.... anyway, took a cab to school today cause i thought i was kinda late! well, i am late but the teacher could have easily let me off so i wasted the cab fare of 2.80. which is so pathetic. its the first time i ever took a cab to school alone. haha. it was raining so heavy after school that i was drenched all over. luckily my handphone and mp3 weren't affected. proceed to the bank to change my thumbprint to signature before going back home. also, engkeong came to my house to burn songs and videos.

i am feeling so sleepy now. the mini nap i took just wasn't enough. *yawn* somemore tomorrow have to wake up early for this stupid lame 4 hours lesson of operating system. its gonna be so BORING there. i totally hate that lesson!! just looking forward for tomorrow soccer match against IT1E. hope it don't get cancelled again cause i'm all READY for it. also, saturday got a steamboat gathering for all rowdians. just hope everyone can make it cause its been long since we had our outing. please be there everybody.

for now, peace out and fuck off

yesterday watched "white noise" with qingan, tong, paul, james, albert, kuku, weiyang, kelvin, yan and sharon. it was really quite sucky but rather shocking for some parts. the review were right, it wasn't that good, more like 4 out of 10 ratings. we all went home straight after the show. i didn't had my dinner at all but luckily, my family ordered pizza hut and i ate like so much! muahaha.

today was late for school due to the weather. actually i was late already but became much more late because of the rain. i was simply too lazy to walk to school in the rain with an umbrella. reached school at approximately 1 hour late! hahaha. play soccer during s&w as usual today and networking lesson was optional. so in the end, i went home instead with tong. planned to have a nap but was interrupted by my mom, who wants me to go have dinner with the family. i went to cut my hair at fusion first before meet my family to go to some 'bark cafe' at changi and we ate good food like crayfish horfun, black pepper chicken, tendoirn steak, calamari rings, chicken wings and some ice cream desert. YUM YUM YUM. thats what i truly called "A MEAL". also headed to Y.E.S supermarket to buy my favorite famous amos cookies and some other snacks for me to enjoy back at home. hahaha. i'm so fortunate but yet, the sore in my throat will never seems to recover. damnit.