Symptoms of A Failing Heart

I can't help believing in you... the idea of beauty leaves me enslaved
say you'll stay for tonight and I promise you this will be the last

I'd push you away but you are the only thing I know
at your feet I now lay for you are the only thing I know

I stare blindly into my reflection
a piece of me lost... I am terrified that I cannot breathe without you
I am nothing in my eyes if not lost
I can't see past your eyes, without them I would die
Shackles cut my wrists as I fight the chains
None can hold me

I'd push you away but you are the only thing I know
at your feet I now lay for you are the only thing I know

in a room where I once told you everything, I am alone
once beholden to nothing and no one
how is it that I am slave to these eyes which glisten with untold secrets
that I crave so wildly to understand?
I must steel my heart to your warm gaze
I'll claw out my eyes and see you no more
its because of you I sometimes wish that I would die
sometimes I wish I would die leaving you behind
enraptured by my ignorance, I now deserve sympathy

with a mere average of 6 hours of sleep everday,
i feel so dead.
wonder how to survive my work tomorrow.
i really want to take mc but i'll feel so irresposible.
god damn it.
just 4 weeks more till i'm free from these stressful work.
back to school!
i'll be updating soon but now, fuck off!

i just got back home and i spotted a fucking cockroach in my room.
so i took out the pesticide and spray at it many times.
but it just wouldn't die, it even ran away.
i pulled out all my wardrobe, drawers and stuffs to find out where its hiding.
and still i couldn't find it.
in the end, i took out the mop and vaccum cleaner to clear out my entire room.
it was like 12.30am, i hope i wasn't disturbing anyone.
first time i clean at this time of the day.
i suck all the dust and hair and mop it with the anti-bacteria stuff.
damn, i finally found that fucking cockroach hiding in some dark corners.
i sprayed all the pesticide i could and suck it right into the vaccum.
hahaha. bloody die you mother fucker.
now i'm satisfied.
but not quite.
i just can't tolerate the dirtiness at all.
i hate my room being so dirty, even my whole house is dirty, especially the kitchen.
i really can't stand it.
thanks to rowdee.
i hope this ends soon cause i'm too clean for these shit.
anyway,
i wanna rip my room off with those long drawers/table.
so at least it look much more tidier and easier to clean.
somemore its wasting my space.
i wanna renovate my room!!
i swear i will.
arggghh!!!!
i'm fucking tired and sleepy already.
if not for this single ass cockroach, i would have been in my wonderland by now.
i'll update soon about the bbq, too lazy for that now.
lastly, i hate cockroaches!!!

just came back home from orchard with hock, black, kuku, calvin and wenyan. met up with wenyan first at orchard mrt straight after work cause the guys were really slow. we went to wisma's surf babes first, and there, wenyan got herself another pair of roxy slippers AGAIN as she just bought one like last 2 weeks. rich girl. the guys finally came and we proceed to taka's kfc for our dinner. next stop, far east. we went straight to image 2001 as usual. i and hock was there like an hour plus and the rest just venture somewhere else to look around. after looking around intensively and trying on, finally got myself a black maria t-shirt, underoath t-shirt and funeral for a friend sweater. hock got himself a hopesfall t-shirt, senses fail t-shirt and silverstein t-shirt. actually theres really alot of nice designs but they just don't have my size otherwise i would have bought alot. the sweater wasn't what i actually planned, but its good enough already. i'm very satisfied. the next new stock is going to take a long time so i suppose i won't be back there again anytime soon. anyway we got a discount butthe whole thing still cost me 209 bucks. i owe it to hock who paid for me first and i'm going to return him the cash back soon. after the whole shopping, went long john to takeaway for weitong and then took 518 home. damn it sure was hell of a long journey. we all went back straight but i suppose the rest are playing soccer at 11.30pm. i really wanted to go but i'm so tired and there's fucking work tomorrow. fuck it. ok i'm still wondering if i could take leave on saturday so i could really enjoy my bbq on friday. anyone can help me think of a relevant valid reason? i'll give myself to you if you do. hahahaha. and i'm serious

passion in my eyes, i lived it everyday,
but how could you throw?
throw it all away.
in my dreams it's me and you, it's there i saw it all come true.
as time went by, faith in you grew, so one thing's left for me to do.

i feel it burn inside, burn in me like the rising sun.
lifted into the sky, took away the only thing i loved.
i know after tonight all your power crumbles in my arms.
so don't worry, i'll be fine, when my life ends, i'll leave this scar.

a smoking gun in hand, now don't you realize what you've done.

alright i'm finally back to update from all the funs i had and these stress from work. its gonna be a long one.

firstly, please close your eyes, be silent for one minute for the unfortunate departure of jasper (for those who don't know, its james and jason's dog) who left us just yesterday due to a tragic accident(he fell from the 4th floor). sad... my deepest condolences, jasper was even less than a years old. it shouldn't be his time yet at all. he's like part of us, rowdees. its like losing a precious someone, a family. he'll never be forgotten, never. i just hope that jason and james would feel fine soon. even though jasper has hardly been with me, i can feel sadness all over me. i can imagine the feeling of losing someone. so empty. nevertheless, jasper will always be in our mind, our heart and soul....

ok enough of the sorrows. i'll start my updating now. friday, after my 9 tormenting hours of work, finally got home with wenyan and had dinner at kfc with keong and felki. after that, went back home with keong to change and then play soccer at central park with the rowdians at around 8pm. at around 10pm, i left first as i was going boat quay's Queenz to club with my ex-classmates because it was haikal's birthday celebration. on the way, saw farhan and his friend on the way there. queue for awhile and then went to find haikal, ghaz, ayoub, iklash, rahimah, ben and some other guys whom i just met in the club. luckily it wasn't that crowded. anyway, the whole clubbing thing was bad, a few of them are already drunk when we arrived. one of their friends got so drunk later on that he puked all over plus his shirt, his sweater and even his jeans. it was that bad man. after he came out of the toilet, he could barely move. the bouncer demand us to get him out immediately. we had no choice so we carry him out and place him just outside on the chair. ben was looking after him and i came out a few times to keep him company. that guy couldn't enter the club anymore as he was too drunk and his tag got taken away. i didn't even go the dance floor to dance as it was really crowded there and i couldn't really dance. haa. i just stand and sit around looking about anything. i actually planned to have fun over there with the homies but it all went shitty with all these drunk and stuff. after some time, we sent the other drunk guy home. i and ben carried him up the stairs and his jeans even came off with his boxers exposed. he really heavy. haha. but we just kept moving and finally got him in the taxi after some persuation with the taxi driver. ghaz got alil' drunk too that he just sat down there with his head down and rest. in the end, we had to get him out too. i left the place alone at 5am and the taxi fare cost me a BOMB. bedtime immediately when i reached home and i don't even care if i bathe or not.

and the thing is, i was working the next day! damn it. i only had 2 hours of sleep and i left for work at 9am. luckily i wasn't feeling that tired and sleepy but actually refreshed. after some typing and cleaning of machine at work, i was finally free at 1pm. went home to change and then left to meet up with wenyan, weitong and qingan at 3.30pm. we took a taxi to loyang point for our ktv session. haha. had lunch first at the food court before we sing our hearts out. keong, felki and mond came soon after. its really fun. we sang together and stuffs plus some taking photo and videos session. and not forgetting some weird song singing. haha. oh ya, the blue lagoon drink over there is nice. but i sang till my throat was like shit and it hurts. my sore is never ending, i really have to control cause its bee there for like 3 weeks! anyway, i head back first at 7pm as was gonna have dinner with my family and some indonesian relatives at 844. after dinner, went back to change and then soccer at central park as usual at 8pm. play and talk cock till 2am before making my way home with albert as i was really so tired, aching and sleepy. my knees are starting to hurt bad. i have to see doctor soon if it gets worse and also, i'm gonna buy the knee supporter so at least, i won't suffer that much. well, i got on my bed and within 5 minutes, i was sleeping like a pig. i silent my phone and off my vibration so there won't be any disturbance. it's been so long since i got some REAL SLEEP.

sunday, was suppose to go eat tim sum at crystal jade with my family and indonesian relatives cause they leaving but i just couldn't get myself up. finally woke up at 2pm and ate some kuehs before meeting keong and felki first at 826 for lunch and then vcd shop to meet fiona. we went to the hospital to visit dwight. their mom and auntie were already there when we arrived. walked around and explore plus sat there for quite some time before going down to the food court to eat MANY of the bread toast. hahaha. it just cost 30 cent man! how cheap is that, but of course it doesn't taste as good as ya kun's. went back with fiona first as we'll be going jogging. got home and change before going to her house to leave my stuffs there as it'll be a troublesome if i bring them. fiona didn't listen and bought her bag so in the end, i was the one carrying it and run. haha. we jogged at the big field area behind her house. run for merely about 1.5km, thanks to fiona as she was complaining that she's tired. i knew my feets are strained but i could still keep on moving. she's the one who said stop. hahaha! got a free drink at cold storage and then sat down and talk for awhile before making our way back to her house. now i'm here blogging with keong and felki who just came back. going back home with keong soon to sleep. i'm like so freaking tired, aching and sleepy now. tomorrow's another new week at work. GOD DAMN IT!! i hate it. 6 more weeks to go!! i just can't wait for friday to come as its rowdees' bbq day. there'll be lot of FOOD!! yum yum. alright, enough already, i'm out! i'll update soon when i got the time.

FIONA IS A LOSER!!! BIG TIME LOSER!!! YOU'RE NOT A CHAMPION!!
MUAHAHAHAHA.....